Living in LA

It's never dark in LA. It reminds me of a conversation I had with my physics friend Matt. He talked about light pollution one night when we were driving around town and it was very humid and almost-fogging. The flood lights from a nearby park extended for miles--we could not place where this light was coming from, after all, it was never that bright. But the air was moist and the fog was beginning, and the light traveled.

The skyline towers within view most places I go. Their heights stretch upward, taking over the horizon. The light from these buildings stretch outward, flooding the night sky with their neon luminescence. The night is full of condensation from the warm afternoons. It doesn't rain here often but the difference in temperature brings with it foggy air. I'm sure the smog spreads the light as well. Last Friday as I drove in the humid air, because it actually rained for once, I drove down this street that has a clear view of the city skyline. There were spotlights dancing in the air and it looked like the sky was on fire. Clouds? Moisture? Fog? Smog? Maybe a mix of it all.

The smog. You need a car in LA to get around. Public transportation is unreliable, slow, and inconvenient. How can a city full of so many drivers be full of so many people who cannot drive?

Living in LA is bizarre. How can a city with the most millionaires also be the place of the most people who are homeless in this country? Contradictions. LA is contradictions. I drive down South Central Ave in Watts to get to work and drive past homelessness, intense poverty. Walking down Hollywood Boulevard, where the names of the famous and wealthy are at your feet, you are surrounded by people without a place to go home to.  Life here makes little sense. And on many occasions I find myself wondering if this is really my life right now, how I got here, and what this experience will teach me, what I will walk away from remembering. I don't think it will be seeing the Hollywood sign for the first time, or the time that I drove past Burbank. It will be the mornings I drive past the man off of the 105, asking for recyclables. The man in the wheelchair across the street panhandling. It will be the boys--the boy who told me that he was going to write about the period that he was homeless for his personal statement, the boy who bought a man outside the Chinese Food place dinner, the boy who never thought homelessness was anything but lack of motivation who chose to sleep outside in solidarity with them in order to learn more about the world. I'll remember the first time I saw Skid Row.

I'm sure the Los Angeles people will ask me about when I go home for Christmas is not the Los Angeles I have lived in. And I do not regret this fact. I would rather see this LA--the real LA before I put on my blinders and admire the famous handprints, the insanity of Venice Beach. This is the LA I was brought here to see, and to share with others.

Remembering the Women Martyrs

December 2, 1980, four women were kidnapped, raped, and murdered by agents of the El Salvadoran government in the midst of intense violence and war. These women did nothing but aid the poor, empower them, and bear witness to their suffering. These women were named Dorothy Kazel, Maura Clarke, Ita Ford, and Jean Donovan. The three LA JV houses (formerly four) were named after these women. This year I live in Casa Dorothy Kazel and after tonight, I am very proud. Their dedication to their mission is intense and inspiring, and invigorates my own call to service.

Tonight, Mount St. Mary College held a prayer service in honor of these sisters. It was coordinated by Sisters of St Joseph of Carondelet. Many Maryknoll Sisters (the order to which Maura Clarke and Ita Ford belonged) were present. This is the thirty second memorial service that they have held. Many women present knew the martyrs. To hear so many people inspired by, touched by, and empowered by their sacrifice and mission was moving.

Tonight I was proud to be serving this year, to be making some small sacrifice and to be living in the house I am. I felt tonight, in the presence of so many women religious (truly inspiring people), and in the spirit of these brave martyrs, that I was carrying on a rich legacy of truly amazing people. At least a little bit. I don't claim to be as dedicated, as strong, or brave as the women who died 32 years ago, and perhaps I never would be, but I am inspired by them, reinvigorated by them, and proud to be a member of Casa Dorothy Kazel.

And I found a few quotes from letters that these women wrote that inspire me and will continue to as this year goes forward.






"El Salvador, Savior of the World, is writhing in pain – a country that daily faces the loss of so many of its people – and yet a country that is waiting, hoping, yearning for peace. The steadfast faith and courage our leaders have to continue preaching the Word of the Lord, even though it may mean laying down your life in the very REAL sense, is always a point of admiration and a vivid realization that JESUS is HERE with us. Yes, we have a sense of waiting, hoping, and yearning for a complete realization of the Kingdom, and yet we know it will come because we can celebrate Him here right now.” Dorothy Kazel, OSU





"I see in this work a channel for awakening real concern for the victims of injustice in today's world, a means to work for change, and to share deep concern for the sufferings of the poor and marginated, the non-persons of our human family." Maura Clarke, MM





"Several times I have decided to leave El Salvador. I almost could except for the children, and poor bruised victims of this insanity. Who would care for them? Whose heart would be so staunch as to favor the reasonable thing in a sea of their tears and helplessness. Not mine, dear friend, not mine.” Jean Donovan





“Am I willing to suffer with these people here, the suffering of the powerless, the feeling impotent? Can I say to my neighbors, I have no solutions to this situation? I don’t have answers, but I will walk with you, search with you, be with you. Can I let myself be evangelized by this opportunity? Can I look at and accept my own poorness as I learn it from the poor ones?” Ita Ford, MM




The sisters (truly amazing people--and so happy to meet us and wished us well so warmly) gave this blessing to those present, and this too, inspired me.

May you continue to be a remarkable sign of the living God,

Fearlessly contend against evil,

make no peace with oppression,

strive to be a shining witness of reconciliation and friendship,

reach across boundaries and barriers

to form community with all people of good will.

And may God who has loved you without measure and without regret,

fill you with the blessings of Jesus Christ,

the refreshment of the Spirit, and the joyful unity of the triune God.

Sr. Clare Dunn

Sr. Judy Lovchik, CSJ