Further Simple Living

We had our first casa discussion on simple living--while we did not make any concrete decisions, it was the first time we truly talked about it as a community. Our program coordinator Glenn is staying with us  for a week--as a support, a checkup, etc, after the first two months. He read us a brief passage and gave us a list of questions about simple living to reflect on. This is what I wrote.

What Glenn read us tonight brings a new thought about simple living, a moment of clairvoyance or connection for me, if you will--the distillation of things to be more grateful of our gifts. The true gifts: our life, our opportunities, health. This moment. This day. This, I did not realize is what speaks to me most about simple living-- the joy I found in my service immersion experiences, traveling to these places where each average, every day gift we take advantage of is something to cherish was the greatest gift of those weeks. It is how I've tried to live my life since the morning I awoke from my surgery and the pain that had been constant for ten, twelve years was gone. Every day I remember that pain, the exhaustion Crohn's brought me and every day these last four years has been a gift. I have been so thankful for the new life of energy and joy I have discovered these last few years. New friends, new experiences; new life every day.

From simple living I hope to examine the depths of those gifts more deeply. Where joy lies beyond the every day conveniences we rely on--soft clothes from the dryer, long, hot showers, clean dishes in minutes. To find joy in my lifelong circumstance perhaps in contrast to the boys at Verb or the people without homes on Skid Row.

My life has been an inward one due to illness for so long and so my hobbies involve collection and consumption. Collecting comic books, DVDs, toys, video games. Where is the true joy in my life, where have I found it beyond these things which are fun, at times inspiring, but in the end, unnecessary. I want to examine my place, my gifts, and learn more deeply all there is to be thankful for.

Joy without money. Life without consumption.

Perhaps a better world in the end. If we all lived more simply, would jealousy end? Could conflict be forgotten? Simple living to be a better citizen, friend, neighbor, boyfriend, son. To be open in my heart to relationships on a personal level, a global level, and then maybe I could make a difference--if only one time. If only for one person.

Before this year I thought often about how I would save for things I wanted this year. Things down the line. A couple action figures, some movies. But this year already I am feeling the freedom from that desire for constant consumption, my completionist and collection oriented mind. It is October 11 and I have spent only $5. And that was on a Subway sandwich. I don't feel the compulsion for these things like I did before this year began. Simple living is freeing--a  liberation from the consumerism of our daily life, a countercultural space to defy the values of our society. I have no desire to spend my money or stipend at this moment on anything beyond maybe food, maybe for some sightseeing or during my visits to Sara. But on frivolous things for the sake of a collection? The itch is subsiding, but not completely absent. It is a value I can see carrying on beyond this year.

I sometimes struggle with the why behind some of the things I've chosen to do for simple living--hanging clothes to dry, turning off lights behind me, using less water. But this year is a place to explore the impact of my decisions, perhaps if only as an act of understanding my place in comparison to others. This year is perhaps above anything else a year of exploration and learning. And the lessons are ongoing.

"We choose to live simply so that others may simply live"

JVC is founded on four pillars: Community, Spirituality, Simple Living, and Social Justice. Simple living is an interesting element of JVC and a lot of service programs, especially those that are rooted in spirituality. It is also probably the most difficult part to really explain along with community...maybe that'll be another entry.

But. To my point: Simple living is a hard nut to crack, even for myself. And so explaining it to others is really difficult. Why is it important? Why would we go and do this and live on $100 a month and not be completely compensated for our work? Why would we willingly give up comforts and conveniences?

It's hard to explain...and it's hard to do.

Simple living, to me, is about living in solidarity with the community we live in and serve and being intentional about our choices. It includes living on a limited budget--a limited community grocery budget, a limited personal stipend--but it is also more than that. I could go through this year and do nothing else but stick to that budget and that might not necessarily be living simply. Simple living is about understanding how our choices can effect those around us, how small decisions we make every day can have an impact on a bigger scale. So sometimes it involves making sacrifices--shorter showers, using a clothes line to dry instead of a dryer, not having a dishwasher, not having air conditioning, conserving electricity. They seem like really small things but it's about working to cut out some of the things we take for granted every day in normal life in middle class and upper class life in order to be more appreciative of what those every day decisions mean. Maybe I won't spend the rest of my life hanging my clothes out to dry, but this year I have to be very aware of what my electricity and gas budgets are because the money is limited. These kinds of decisions can have a benefit on my life going into the future.

Simple living is about understanding one's place in society and how our actions can be powerful if they are intentional. Access to water is such a world problem and I'm sure it's an issue even among people we live around in LA. By conserving water in my life I can minimize my waste and hopefully I can spread awareness to what an issue water scarcity is. Wars start over access to water, dreams die if water can't be reached...Matt Damon, actually, is a huge advocate for this work and he has a great article about the power of a town well in creating opportunity and economic possibility in the developing world. That's not quite what I'm talking about right now but it's still important. You should read that article, it's fascinating. 

Simple living is about giving up every day conveniences in order to be mindful of how wide the disparity is between where we come from and where we serve. It's about reevaluating every day choices in order to be more informed citizens so that, maybe, we can help bring change and help bring attention to that disparity.

All of that said, I'm struggling with simple living. On the one hand I think I'm doing an OK job at it--I'm mindful of what I spend, how I use water, how often I hang my clothes to dry instead of use a dryer...I don't always do that well, though. When it's not a convenient time to do those things I choose not to because it's easier. Simple living is not easy. It's anything but. I also wonder if those small choices really even make a difference or mean anything or if I'm doing it just for the sake of doign it and inconveniencing myself.

I also struggle with it on deeper levels.

In terms of my health I can't take care of myself on the JVC budget--it requires outside aid. Is that OK with JVC's mission? Am I betraying something by not using my stipend to give myself things I need to keep myself healthy? Is it betraying that solidarity? I can't tell...and it makes me feel like I'm missing out on parts of the experience or I am not committing myself...will I still get and give back what I'm supposed to?

And then there's the matter of the cell phone and technology. I'm in a long distance relationship, and I can't give up use of a phone or my computer all together because although simple living is important to me, that relationship is my greatest priority and I am not willing to give up opportunities to speak with Sara and talk to her. It might be causing some concern among the community, I don't know, but there are sacrifices that I am not willing to make and I may have to address my feelings in that matter.

We have also discussed simple living in our community to a degree. What is the point of it? Why do we do it? We have to be wary of not doing things just for the sake of doing them. Sacrificing things without reason beyond "we have to live simply!" doesn't make sense to me. I also worry about the process of thought that simple living means allowing no pleasure or time for yourself. No convenience, no room for entertainment, etc. We can't allow that to happen, either, because self care is an incredibly important aspect of JVC and with all the hard things we are through we have to allow ourselves a break and a chance to take time for ourselves.

We have access to a car and we've had a lot of discussion about how that is to be used. Its most basic purpose is for myself and Meg to get to work every day. Beyond that--should it be used at all? Does simple living and living in solidarity mean that we should never use it because the homeless don't have access to a car? It's a delicate balance on how we decided it should be used, maybe some people are not satisfied with the answers we found, but I do not think that utilizing a resource is wrong. We have the car provided to us, and making use of privilege or resources shouldn't be something we feel guilt and immense strain over, should it? We have to take care of ourselves, we have to allow ourselves some level of comfort because we should enjoy this year, not go through it miserably in the name of simple living.

People keep asking me why don't I do this or buy this to make things easier? Why don't I just go grab fast food once in a while or buy some snacks since I don't always like what we eat in the house and we have a limited budget to buy groceries and sometimes things are scarce. Tell us to go see this thing or that thing in LA. Ask us why don't we have AC or why don't we get fans or just things that seem so "obvious" to do. Simple living is the reason...we have to find our way.

It's a hard balance to find, it's never going to be easy.

A Step Along The Way

At orientation we had prayer or reflection every morning. One day we read through one of my very favorite prayers, the prayer of Archbishop Oscar Romero, sometimes titled "A Step Along The Way." You can see the full prayer here. It's worth your time.

I reflected about it and related a lot to the commitment to social justice that has been instilled in me at Cabrini and that I am looking to strengthen in the year to come, in light of a lot of what they were saying to us at orientation.

We cannot do everything/knowing this allows us to do something and do it well.

One thing I've always struggled with since being introduced to social justice issues at Cabrini is the temptation to take up and care about every cause. What I quickly discovered is that you just can't do that. It's exhausting and takes a huge toll if you let every injustice constantly weigh on you. You can't feel guilty for every decision and if you let social justice consume you there is a real danger of not living at all; being wrapped up in guilt and powerlessness. There is nothing wrong with being privileged and making the most of those advantages. We have to draw a line somewhere and accept we cannot make all change alone. But we can be a part of it.

We are the workers, not master builders. We are ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own.

Are unaware people lesser? No. Are my parents bad people because they utilize their economic privilege that they work hard to maintain? Of course not. We cannot be perennially guilty. I felt at times in orientation that I was being guilted for all my choices, for enjoying my comforts. But that's not it, really. I was projecting my own guilt.

JVC is challenging me, particularly for this oncoming year, to question everything and to make my own decisions. I should consider the effects all my choices have on other people. Privilege is not inherently oppressive (though Marx would disagree with me) it is how we utilize our faculties that really matters. Ultimately, as the prayer says, we are merely workers. My efforts this year alone do nothing in isolation. I won't change the social structure by helping one kid or even fifty kids get into college.

But maybe my actions will help others learn from their hardship and story. Maybe I can be a voice for just a few of the voiceless. If I spread their stories maybe those people will spread it and perhaps others will wait to take up and pursue the JVC mission. Who knows?

But I don't believe helping only one person is a useless effort. Helping one person changes the world. I don't know if someone famous is credited with saying that, but it's what I believe. I recall the story of the boy and the starfish that my friend Cathy introduced me to.

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. 

Approaching the boy, he asked, "What are you doing?"

The youth replied, "Throwing starfish back into the ocean.
The surf is up and the tide is going out.  If I don't throw them back, they'll die."

"Son," the man said, "don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?
You can't make a difference!"

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf.  Then, smiling at the man, he said,
"I made a difference for that one."

Maybe I've always been more interested with service on the micro level than the macro level. But that doesn't change my devotion and hope for a better world. We are prophets of a future not our own. I cannot change the world on my own, but I will recognize where I can make a difference. My choices do matter. I don't have to buy Nike shoes and support sweatshops. I can purchase Fair Trade and benefit small farmers. I can buy locally and support local businesses.  But would I be a horrible person if I didn't? I don't think so. Would I be guilty of ignorance? Maybe. But that doesn't equate to being unjust.

It's a difficult balance, finding the just thing to do in a world where so much is unfair. It's something I struggle with and will continue to struggle with, particularly as I try to live simply this year when I have to make hard choices between what is affordable and what is more "right." I'm already learning that the world is unfairly balanced against the poor. That the unhealthy, the mass-manufactured, is the only thing available to so many people simply by virtue of their economic status. 50 cents is an enormous difference in this world for many people.

My hope with this blog is that I can be the step along the way through my words...that I can be just one of many workers that will help make this world better. But if all I am able to accomplish is helping one boy at my high school...well, that's OK too.