An American Pentecost

I am not a great Catholic nor am I great citizen or ally. I often skip Mass or disagree with things. I don’t like evangelizing or bothering people with faith talk. I often stay home while others engage direct with injustice. I’m afraid of conflict and hard conversations.

But as these protests unfold into Pentecost Sunday  I can’t help but wonder if we are witnessing something very different and much larger than we have in our lifetime. We are all “together in one place”, in  tight communities as the apostles were—through quarantine or in solidarity in protest. We are all trapped in the horrors and pain unfolding in our nation, not just the pandemic but the defiant and seemingly indomitable specter of racism and authoritarian violence.

I am moved on a deeply, profoundly spiritual level in ways I have not for a several years. I see these videos of police violence and see the young people I’ve worked directly with in their place. Good kids whose lives are undervalued by the government and systems of society, who have been written off as thugs because of the color of their skin or the city they are from.

I don’t know what comes out of this movement, if anything at all. We’ve seen it all before. Ferguson wasn’t even ten years ago. I have often had the sense, in the last few years, that this country, this world has been in a state of agitation and pain in moving toward a new becoming. How long have our neighbors spent time fearing persecution in the upper room? I can’t see what comes after, I can only hope as the movement spreads across the country and the injustice is exposed over and over and over, we finally realize that injustice against some is an injustice against all.

On Pentecost, what is celebrated as the birth of the Church, when a cleansing flame of the Holy Spirit  came to the disciples and sent them out in the world speaking in many tongues about the justice, love, and salvation of Jesus Christ, what does the spirit tell us in this time? As flames of protest and police violence rise up in cities around the country, are we listening to the pain of our brothers and sisters being communicated to us?

We watched in horror as George Floyd was murdered in cold blood, restrained, begging for breath.

The Holy Spirit came to the apostles like the sound of a violent wind. God is in us and around us in the air we breathe, the air refused George Floyd by an abuse of power—a profound injustice. God speaks to us in the world, if we look for it.

We see the tongues of fire of the spirit, God’s beloved sons and daughters crying out in pain. They are risking their lives,  expressing their pain, and being persecuted for it.

In the celebration of Pentecost, the Church celebrates the coming together of the world as one community.

On Pentecost, 2,000 years later, we see that the promise continues to go unfulfilled.

There are forces that want this moment to divide us, to use the flames as a tool for destruction.

But as people of good will, what can we do to see the flames as a cleansing spirit? To forge ahead in solidarity and community?

I pray that my Church works toward justice. I hope that my nation works toward justice. And I will do my best to be better as a Catholic and citizen to help make this country a more just place. Because my faith compels it. My neighbors deserve it. There is no peace without justice. There is no peace in our nation without recognition that black lives matter.

May the Spirit enable us.

"For I know well the plans I have for you..."

"...plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. When you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you, says the Lord." - Jeremiah 29:11-14

I came across this Bible verse pretty randomly during a Prayer 101 session at Cabrini last fall (it's hard to believe that it's probably closer to a year than not at this point.) At the time it was something I needed to see and it has since become one of my favorite passages...not that I have much familiarity with scripture other than that. 

At the time I wasn't sure about anything. I knew that I wanted to volunteer following graduation, but what did I want to do? What kind of work am I suited for? How could I find my calling? And what about after that year? I was feeling lonely and starting to get lost. But every once in a while a small thing comes by to remind you that things will be ok. I've kept that passage in mind and have seen it in random places since then. It has given me strength in hard times. But truth be told there haven't been very many of them in the last few months.

I have been very fortunate. The last few years has been nothing but blessings. I have seen many great things in my life. I have had great opportunities the last four years and everything that has happened to me has led me to this--my volunteer year. I am currently sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to board. It's hard to believe I'm in Denver right now on my way to San Jose, California for a week and then to Los Angeles where I will be spending the next year.

A lot of things have brought me to this point in my life. I have had great people with me; my family has shown me so much love and kindness. I have made very good friends and experienced a lot of amazing things. 

I guess this particular journey starts with my entry into Cabrini--which wasn't much of a decision at the time. I just felt like I had to go to college and this one accepted me. That was about it. I had already gone through the application process to try to go to art school and I didn't have much passion for searching out schools again. But Cabrini had something about it that drew me. Maybe it was the small, beautiful campus, but whatever it was I'm glad that I picked it.

Sure, those first few months were terrible. I was not much of a person for adjustment, I was very shy and very sick. After my first semester at Cabrini my Crohn's Disease flared up particularly badly and I had surgery. 

After ten years of pain and fatigue and sickness, that surgery was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was energized and felt alive for the first time in a long time; the first time I can remember, really. But I stayed home the second half of my freshman year and wasn't sure if I was going to go back to school. I had tried it twice and it just didn't seem to be working out.

But I wasn't completely ready to quit, who knows why? Maybe I just wanted what all my friends at home seemed to have--a memorable, fun, college life. But whatever it was I signed up for a few things my sophomore year...I really wanted to meet new people. I was a commuter my sophomore year and kind of removed myself my first semester from campus life and the people at Cabrini. But second semester I went on Search Retreat and Project Appalachia--two turning points in my life.

On Search I learned to open up to myself and to other people, to reconnect with my own faith which had been shaken to the point of abandonment in my illness. I saw a glimpse of who I could be and who I always wanted to be. I made friendships that to this day I cherish and hope to see continue. The next week I went on Project Appalachia, a service immersion trip to West Virginia with a few of the same people, and grew closer to them and to an even larger group of people at Cabrini.

I went on Appalachia and Search both more to meet people than in any sort of mission of faith or altruism. I just wanted to make friends. And while that did happen, in West Virginia I also saw the power of service, the importance of educating yourself on the world outside your door, to the reality of people within our own country. I learned about the power of faith and belief and the importance of cherishing what you have when you have it; not complaining or hoping for more. It was something I had started to see in my own life in my recovery from Crohn's and to see people in dismal living conditions continue to have a cheerful attitude, faith in God and love for one another. Through their struggles, the people of West Virginia showed me the resilience of the human spirit and the capacity for kindness in people. Strangers in the neighborhood would stop and talk to us, we got to speak with the homeowners we were serving and understand their story. 

I got a lot more than I had counted on in my trip to West Virginia and it made me want to do more, to be more involved with Campus Ministry and service at Cabrini. 

One of my Search Leaders recommended me to be an RA, a job I had thought about briefly but never believed I had the strength for. But I did it anyway, scared as I was. If someone else saw the potential in me, who was I to ignore it?

Being an RA was another amazing experience that helped me grow and shape me in ways I did not anticipate. Not only did I grow more confident, I learned countless useful communication skills, professional experience, and learned how to be comfortable as myself with larger groups of people. I loved working in my house with all of my residents and fellow RAs my junior year. It began to feel as if everyone I met since I came to Cabrini was there for a reason; that I was finally somewhere that I belonged. It was a feeling I had never had before. Slowly but surely there was something inside of me that had been empty for very long beginning to fill up.

It was more than just my experiences shaping me; I also felt that everything I was doing at Cabrini could also benefit others. I became a member of the Community Service and Outreach Club, a Relay for Life committee member, a leader for our pre-orientation program, S-Cubed, which introduces freshmen to our volunteer opportunities. All of this on top of my duties as an RA as well as taking part in other service.

In December 2010 I attended Rostro de Cristo, an immersion experience in Duran, Ecuador, which to this day remains one of the best experiences. We lived on two dollars a day in solidarity with the people facing poverty in that country and spoke to so many people in the local community. We heard there stories, formed relationships, and learned so much. Like so many people in such a situation, they found great pride and thankfulness in what they had before them; not bitterness for what might be seen as unfair by others. They worked for their families, counted their blessings, and love got them through all things. Love for one another, neighbor, for God. 

Love can be boundless if we open our hearts to it. Ecuador's children showed me that. Children are an inspiration, because they have no inhibition, they love unconditionally and open their hearts so completely. In Ecuador we worked with after school programs in the local neighborhoods, these children just needed some attention and care while their parents worked, or just couldn't take care of them the way children deserve. They found that attention through the work Rostro de Cristo sponsors.  The volunteers that go down there provide that well-deserved attention and the kids repay in kind. Jumping on backs, sometimes three at a time. 

I will never forget the day Hablan in Arbolito jumped on my back before I ever even reached the program's walls. He never let go of me from that moment on. His brother and friend later joined him. But when I was tired, Hablan would run and fetch my water bottle and help to rejuvenate me for another round of play. It was a surreal, beautiful afternoon. 

Rostro was when I first began to ponder the idea of serving for a year. I felt so alive in that week.

Following that trip to Ecuador I went on another Project Appalachia and there while at the work site one day, surveying all that my fellow students were doing I was overcome with a sense of purpose. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, and I knew that I had to follow this. I didn't know where it was taking me, but I knew that it was what I had to pursue. 

I worked for the next year toward the purpose of applying for a year of service. I had no desires for grad school, a part-time job, or any other possibility. I was called to service. I became a Peer Minister, led Search Retreat and Project Appalachia, two events that changed my life, and in the end took on the most fulfilling work I had ever pursued, convincing me even more that I was doing what I was supposed to do. I've never felt more fulfilled than that last semester working in Campus Ministry and giving back to the program that has been such an integral part in making me who I am today, that gave me self-confidence and a renewed outlook on life. If I could give that same experience to someone else, even just one person, that the leaders in Campus Ministry had given to me everything I worked for at Cabrini would be worth it. And I managed that. One retreatant in my small group for Search Retreat told me I made a difference for her, and that alone made all the hard work worth it. 

I came to JVC for a number of reasons; to continue my service, to challenge myself in community and learn how to more completely take part in my relationships, to find my own strength, and to act upon the values of social justice that Cabrini had inspired in me. 

Mother Cabrini's values were shaped in large part by St. Ignatius, the founder of the Jesuit order and for that reason, the values of JVC are very much in tune with Cabrini's mission of "Service Beyond Oneself," and the Justice Matters core curriculum. I'm sure a lot of students didn't take Cabrini's mission or slogans very seriously and in fact rolled their eyes at the social justice mission. But honestly, it spoke to me quite a bit and is something that continues to stick with me. Cabrini tells their students to "Do something extraordinary," and although I don't necessarily think what I'm doing is particularly extraordinary, I do think that my year at JVC matters, that it is something important, even if it is only important for me. Hopefully, though, I can help share that feeling with you through this blog. 

And although this new year is scary and there are some really tough parts about being away from home, which I will write about more in the future I'm sure, I take solace in Mother Cabrini's favorite quote, which hung behind a statue of her at our chapel in school. 

I take solace in the quote from Jeremiah, but I also trust myself to the words that St. Frances Xavier Cabrini lived her life by, pictured below.

So, join me on this journey, if you'd like…there is much more to come. I don't know what exactly, but I'm sure it will be challenging and worth it all in the end.